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Psycho Kid Torches Christmas Tree (Transcript)
(Video opens with family opening gifts) Jesse: Is this my last one? Jeffery Jr: What is that? This is mine! Jesse: That is yours, this is mine? Jeffery Jr : Yeah. Jesse: There is no way this is a Wii U. Oh, wow. A brown shipping box. It looks like it came from UPS like two days ago. Jeffery Jr: Do not hate on the brown box. Jesse: What is this? Really, Mom? Mom: Open it up. Open it up. Jessie: No, I see what...Yeah. (Laughter) Mom: Are they not adorable? Jessie: No, Mom. I mean... If I was twelve. I am twenty-two years old now! Mom: Put them on, Jess. I am not. I am not. Dad: That is embarrassing. I would not wear that! Mom:Just put them on. Jessie: This is ridiculous. Mom: CUTE! Jessie: They hurt my ears! Dad: Cute. Jeffrey: Oh, you can just sashay your pretty little self around town. Jessie: Ow! What are you doing? Mom: Well, I think they light up. Yes! Oh, my goodness, it is so cute. Dad: Oh, my God that is hideous. (Laughter) Mom: Jess, you have to look at yourself. It is adorable! Jessie: Oh, yeah. It is just what I wanted... Mom: I need to get me some. Jeffrey:There is really...No way! Are you... Jessie:You asked for an Xbox One? Jeffrey:No.Thank you so much. Jeffery Sr.: Great...Another gaming console... I'm gonna go start breakfast. Jesse: You guys gave him an Xbox One? You did not even ask for that? Jeffrey: I did not give them a list or anything. Mom: What? You did not get what you wanted, Jess? Jesse: No. No. I got the reindeer antlers! Jeffrey: You asked for those? Mom: I think they are cute. There is really... Jeffrey: Are we having ummm... Cinnamon buns or waffles or what? Mom: Yeah, how many do you want? We are having waffles. Jeffrey: Oh... Mom:You want any waffles? Jessie:NO! (Laughter) Mom: You do not want any? Jesse: I do not want any waffles!!! (More Laughter) (Want some coffee?) (Unanimous: Yeah.) Some more tea... Jeffrey:What the hell? (Laughs) Oh, God... What the hell did he do? Jesus Christ. Oh, well this is just over-dramatic. What are you doing? Jessie: YOU ALWAYS GOTTA BE FILMING!! Jeffrey:Wait, are you serious?! Jessie:Yeah, I am serious. Jeffrey:Jesse, you should... You should NOT be doing that! Jessie:Enjoy the home video for Christmas! Jeffrey:Jesse, this is not the right way. Jessie: Yeah! You want some on you?! Jeffrey:Jesus Christ, dude! Jessie: You want to catch aflame?! Jeffrey:Dude. Calm down! Look. There is no going back if you do this. Jessie:It is not fair that you get an Xbox One that you did not even ask for... And I get... Nothing! NOTHING! Jeffrey:Jesse, Christmas is not about like just what you get. Jessie:I do not...Oh, yeah?! You know how much it means to me! Jeffrey:Are you really going to do that? Jessie:Yeah. Yeah. Dude. This is meant... Jeffrey:Ah, Jesus... Dude. Jessie:You know, screw this holiday! You know, what does it even matter. Jeffrey:Oh, my God. (Theresa/Mom gasps) Dad:What the hell are you doing? Jessie:What does it look I am doing?! Dad:These games have fried your mind, have they not?! Jessie:What do you mean? "FRIED MY MIND?!" YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Dad:Yeah, I have every idea. Jessie:I do not even know why I still have this on! Dad:You ruined the stinking holiday! What ails you? Jesus. Jessie:You. Hey! I got you a grill! I got you a grill! I got you a grill. For Christmas, alright?! Dad:Yeah, but I already have a grill. Jeffrey:Jesus Christ. Jessie:Look. Look. Dad:What ails you? Jessie;No, I am not going to do that. Look. What are you...Jesus! Dad:What ails you?! Look...These games are getting in your head! Jessie:No. I got you...All I wanted was one thing... I wanted one thing! for Christmas. I wanted one thing... Oh, shi- Dad. Dad, stop! STOP! Look. LOOK. Dad! Dad. Dad! Dad! Dad. Dad! Look. Look, I wanted one thing. Dad. Dad! GET OFF! GET OFF ME! I AM GOING TELL MY THERAPIST! I AM GOING TO TELL MY THERAPIST ABOUT THIS! Dad:Yeah, I do not care. Jessie:Stop! Get out of here! Get the fuck out of here! (Girlish Screams) Jeffrey:Mom, you have to pull the pin! Get off! You have to squeeze the...OH! Use two hands, Mom! Oh, my God... (Cut to inside the Ridgeways' house) Dad:Way to ruin another family holiday... Jessie:I love to do it! Dad:If it was not for your Mother, your ass would be out to the curb! Jessie:Well, at least she actually CARES! Mom:Jesse! Please, come in here. Stop. Please...Please. Just come in here. Jessie:What? Damn it. Mom:I did not put this under the tree because of your Father. (She gives Jesse a present. Jesse opens it; It's the Nintendo Wii U Console) Jessie:Is it...? Mom! Thanks. Merry Christmas. Jeffrey:Are you freaking kidding me? Category:Transcripts